I realized something yesterday. My typical biggest fear is not that what I have isn't as good as what I could have. My typical biggest fear is that the good that I do have will be taken away by something painful, some great trial or suffering. This is why now, in the midst of my suffering, being told that God is allowing my suffering for my good isn't fully comforting. It doesn't fully assure me of God's love for me, because what I feel the need for is not a greater good, but salvation from the greater evil.
What I stated above is why coming to the following realization was so powerful for me: that God isn't allowing my suffering simply because what I had wasn't good enough, but He is allowing it to protect me from suffering at a much greater level. My sanctification is stripping me and purging my of sin -- I can hardly know fully what this means, but I have to realize that sin is at the root of every suffering. Removing sin from my life IS deliverence! Somehow, although both perspectives are equally true, for me it is so much more helpful to realize what I am being saved FROM rather than the good I am being saved TO. My God IS saving me by the very MEANS of my suffering! I can cling to Him in my pain, knowing that He is Savior from my pain. He loves me. He is saving me. Not someday, when I'm all better; right now, through my pain.
This helps me to see Him right now as my Protector, my Savior, my Deliverer; the one Who cries with me as I grieve and weep, the One Who holds me as I break under the load He has placed on me.
He is not my Savior and Deliverer because of what will be someday; He is my Savior because of what He is allowing right now.
Oh, what a loving and merciful God we have.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Thursday, January 6, 2011
."Give me all of you!!! I don’t want so much of your time, so much of your talents and money, and so much of your work. I want YOU!!! ALL OF YOU!! I have not come to torment or frustrate the natural man or woman, but to KILL IT! No half measures will do. I don’t want to only prune a branch here and a branch there; rather I want the whole tree out! Hand it over to me, the whole outfit, all of your desires, all of your wants and wishes and dreams. Turn them ALL over to me, give yourself to me and I will make of you a new self---in my image. Give me yourself and in exchange I will give you Myself. My will, shall become your will. My heart, shall become your heart."
— C.S. Lewis (Mere Christianity)
"That is a hard and bitter condition to endure, especially when we think of our own infirmities. For we are so frail that the merest nothing fills us with despair. Let us learn, therefore, to rest in the certain hope that we will finally be filled, and that God will supply everything we lack. If today we are like those who are at death's door, devoid of inner strength and outside help, if today we are in the direst of straits, let this hope support and sustain us, as we look to God whose work is to satisfy the hungry."
- John Calvin
— C.S. Lewis (Mere Christianity)
"That is a hard and bitter condition to endure, especially when we think of our own infirmities. For we are so frail that the merest nothing fills us with despair. Let us learn, therefore, to rest in the certain hope that we will finally be filled, and that God will supply everything we lack. If today we are like those who are at death's door, devoid of inner strength and outside help, if today we are in the direst of straits, let this hope support and sustain us, as we look to God whose work is to satisfy the hungry."
- John Calvin
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Whenever David was in a bad way, he would go down to the pit.
I wish I at least had a pit to go down to.
My attempt at humor right now. :-)
...Praying for visible signs of God's mercy -- coming SOON! And pleading for them. I don't know how much longer I can wait...it has gotten so hard again. I have forgotten what it feels like to be happy. "I have sunk in deep mire; a flood overflows me"! "My eyes fail while I wait for my God." I am so thankful that David felt so overwhelmed with misery and wrote about it! Everything is so horrible right now that it would be hard to for me to believe that God could make things right again, if someone else hadn't also felt this way and seen deliverence.
"Has God forgotten to be gracious?" I love that David asked questions like this! It's as if he is saying "I KNOW that God is merciful...but has He forgotten?"
I am desperate for God's mercy in the healing of my flesh. In that area, I have been hit with constant waves, and the one that is persistent is the hardest of all -- and when will it go away, and can I take even another week of it? I miss my kids. To tears. I am tormented with grief, so often wanting to know what to do with so much suffering. All this suffering and the necessity of it is a mystery...all the answers of scripture still leave the sufferer asking "why"? There is a depth of it that heaven keeps for us to know only when we are home.
Praying that I will stand strong, take courage, not grow weary...and hold fast to HOPE, for God IS FAITHFUL!!
P.S. John says that next year I'm going to have a blog called "A Land Sown". I love how he encourages me -- and makes me laugh!! Praise God for that, what would I do without him.
"In our frustration we cry out to the heavens. We shake our fists at the sky, demanding that He act, move, fix, heal. We insist that God be faithful according to our expectations of what faithfulness should look like. We who have exhibited so little faithfulness in our own lives have the audacity to believe we know what it should look like for Him. My mentor, Dr. William Lane, used to say, "We want the God of the magic wand. The God who makes the cancer go away. But more remarkably, He is the God who comes alongside us and suffers with us. He is the God who never leaves us."
-- Michael Card, The Hidden Face of God
Where is Your mercy, Lord?
“Will the Lord spurn forever,
and never again be favorable?
Has his steadfast love forever ceased?
Are his promises at an end for all time?
Has God forgotten to be gracious?
Has he in anger shut up his compassion?”
Then I said, “I will appeal to this,
to the years of the right hand of the Most High.”
I will remember the deeds of the Lord;
yes, I will remember your wonders of old.
I will ponder all your work,
and meditate on your mighty deeds
Your way, O God, is holy.
What god is great like our God?
You are the God who works wonders;
you have made known your might among the peoples.
You with your arm redeemed your people,
the children of Jacob and Joseph.
--Psalm 77
I wish I at least had a pit to go down to.
My attempt at humor right now. :-)
...Praying for visible signs of God's mercy -- coming SOON! And pleading for them. I don't know how much longer I can wait...it has gotten so hard again. I have forgotten what it feels like to be happy. "I have sunk in deep mire; a flood overflows me"! "My eyes fail while I wait for my God." I am so thankful that David felt so overwhelmed with misery and wrote about it! Everything is so horrible right now that it would be hard to for me to believe that God could make things right again, if someone else hadn't also felt this way and seen deliverence.
"Has God forgotten to be gracious?" I love that David asked questions like this! It's as if he is saying "I KNOW that God is merciful...but has He forgotten?"
I am desperate for God's mercy in the healing of my flesh. In that area, I have been hit with constant waves, and the one that is persistent is the hardest of all -- and when will it go away, and can I take even another week of it? I miss my kids. To tears. I am tormented with grief, so often wanting to know what to do with so much suffering. All this suffering and the necessity of it is a mystery...all the answers of scripture still leave the sufferer asking "why"? There is a depth of it that heaven keeps for us to know only when we are home.
Praying that I will stand strong, take courage, not grow weary...and hold fast to HOPE, for God IS FAITHFUL!!
P.S. John says that next year I'm going to have a blog called "A Land Sown". I love how he encourages me -- and makes me laugh!! Praise God for that, what would I do without him.
"In our frustration we cry out to the heavens. We shake our fists at the sky, demanding that He act, move, fix, heal. We insist that God be faithful according to our expectations of what faithfulness should look like. We who have exhibited so little faithfulness in our own lives have the audacity to believe we know what it should look like for Him. My mentor, Dr. William Lane, used to say, "We want the God of the magic wand. The God who makes the cancer go away. But more remarkably, He is the God who comes alongside us and suffers with us. He is the God who never leaves us."
-- Michael Card, The Hidden Face of God
Where is Your mercy, Lord?
“Will the Lord spurn forever,
and never again be favorable?
Has his steadfast love forever ceased?
Are his promises at an end for all time?
Has God forgotten to be gracious?
Has he in anger shut up his compassion?”
Then I said, “I will appeal to this,
to the years of the right hand of the Most High.”
I will remember the deeds of the Lord;
yes, I will remember your wonders of old.
I will ponder all your work,
and meditate on your mighty deeds
Your way, O God, is holy.
What god is great like our God?
You are the God who works wonders;
you have made known your might among the peoples.
You with your arm redeemed your people,
the children of Jacob and Joseph.
--Psalm 77
Monday, December 13, 2010
"Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure, for you will not abandon my soul to Sheol, or let Your holy one see corruption."
:: Psalm 16:9-10
"Be patient, therefore, brothers, until the coming of the Lord. See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, being patient about it, until it receives the early and the late rains. You also, be patient. Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand... As an example of suffering and patience, brothers, take the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord. Behold, we consider those blessed who remained steadfast. You have heard of the steadfastness of Job, and you have seen the purpose of the Lord, how the Lord is compassionate and merciful."
:: Psalm 16:9-10
"Be patient, therefore, brothers, until the coming of the Lord. See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, being patient about it, until it receives the early and the late rains. You also, be patient. Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand... As an example of suffering and patience, brothers, take the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord. Behold, we consider those blessed who remained steadfast. You have heard of the steadfastness of Job, and you have seen the purpose of the Lord, how the Lord is compassionate and merciful."
::James 5
"I have set the Lord always before me;
because He is at my right hand I shall not be shaken."
:: Psalm 16:8
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Hebrews 12:
Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, 2 looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.
3 Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted. 4 In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. 5 And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons?
“My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord,
nor be weary when reproved by Him.
6 For the Lord disciplines the one He loves,
and chastises every son whom He receives.”
7 It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? 8 If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. 9 Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? 10 For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share His holiness. 11 For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.
Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, 2 looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.
3 Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted. 4 In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. 5 And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons?
“My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord,
nor be weary when reproved by Him.
6 For the Lord disciplines the one He loves,
and chastises every son whom He receives.”
7 It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? 8 If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. 9 Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? 10 For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share His holiness. 11 For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.
"Light dawns in the darkness for the upright." -- Ps. 112:4a
"For it is you who light my lamp; the Lord my God lightens my darkness." -- Psalm 18:28
"For with you is the fountain of life; in your light do we see light." -- Ps. 36:9
"Commit your way to the Lord;
trust in him, and he will act. He will bring forth your righteousness as the light,
and your justice as the noonday." -- Ps. 37:5-6
"If I say, 'Surely the darkness shall cover me,
and the light about me be night,'even the darkness is not dark to you;
the night is bright as the day,
for darkness is as light with you." - Ps. 139:11-12
"But the path of the righteous is like the light of dawn, which shines brighter and brighter until full day." -- Pr. 4:18
"The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; those who dwelt in a land of deep darkness, on them has light shined. " -- Is.9:2
"I am the Lord, and there is no other,
besides me there is no God;
I equip you, though you do not know me,
that people may know, from the rising of the sun
and from the west, that there is none besides me;
I am the Lord, and there is no other.
I form light and create darkness,
I make well-being and create calamity,
I am the Lord, who does all these things." -- Is. 45:5-7
"For it is you who light my lamp; the Lord my God lightens my darkness." -- Psalm 18:28
"For with you is the fountain of life; in your light do we see light." -- Ps. 36:9
"Commit your way to the Lord;
trust in him, and he will act. He will bring forth your righteousness as the light,
and your justice as the noonday." -- Ps. 37:5-6
"If I say, 'Surely the darkness shall cover me,
and the light about me be night,'even the darkness is not dark to you;
the night is bright as the day,
for darkness is as light with you." - Ps. 139:11-12
"But the path of the righteous is like the light of dawn, which shines brighter and brighter until full day." -- Pr. 4:18
"The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; those who dwelt in a land of deep darkness, on them has light shined. " -- Is.9:2
"I am the Lord, and there is no other,
besides me there is no God;
I equip you, though you do not know me,
that people may know, from the rising of the sun
and from the west, that there is none besides me;
I am the Lord, and there is no other.
I form light and create darkness,
I make well-being and create calamity,
I am the Lord, who does all these things." -- Is. 45:5-7
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