I realized something yesterday. My typical biggest fear is not that what I have isn't as good as what I could have. My typical biggest fear is that the good that I do have will be taken away by something painful, some great trial or suffering. This is why now, in the midst of my suffering, being told that God is allowing my suffering for my good isn't fully comforting. It doesn't fully assure me of God's love for me, because what I feel the need for is not a greater good, but salvation from the greater evil.
What I stated above is why coming to the following realization was so powerful for me: that God isn't allowing my suffering simply because what I had wasn't good enough, but He is allowing it to protect me from suffering at a much greater level. My sanctification is stripping me and purging my of sin -- I can hardly know fully what this means, but I have to realize that sin is at the root of every suffering. Removing sin from my life IS deliverence! Somehow, although both perspectives are equally true, for me it is so much more helpful to realize what I am being saved FROM rather than the good I am being saved TO. My God IS saving me by the very MEANS of my suffering! I can cling to Him in my pain, knowing that He is Savior from my pain. He loves me. He is saving me. Not someday, when I'm all better; right now, through my pain.
This helps me to see Him right now as my Protector, my Savior, my Deliverer; the one Who cries with me as I grieve and weep, the One Who holds me as I break under the load He has placed on me.
He is not my Savior and Deliverer because of what will be someday; He is my Savior because of what He is allowing right now.
Oh, what a loving and merciful God we have.
Oh my Sarah - that is exactly how I tend to think too! Thanks so much for sharing this "realization"...so, so true - and you worded it well.
ReplyDelete<3 Chloe
Thanks for reading :-) It's ecouraging to know that you can identify!
ReplyDelete<3 Sarah :)